Like clockwork. Nobody helps Republicans rehabilitate their image more than centrists. Liberals love to pat themselves on the back. Seeing the Obamas buddy around with a war criminal, for instance, warms their civility-loving heart. (Do you think it makes W jealous that Barack had access to better technology? That he had nothing better to do than work on his shitty paintings while his successor got to drone strike weddings with no consequences? Anyway, the liberal should be locked up too, but he puts out these cute Spotify playlists now and hangs out with The Boss, so it’s all good.)
Back to this…hey listen, I thought conservatives were a threat to our democracy and way of life? I thought this was another Most Important Election of Your Lifetime? You’re going to do all this work, burn through all this money to win and then just give them a job and platform? Which is it? If one Republican is a good thing, why not two? Why not more? Just get it over with and do the whole cabinet and VP and then resign. When the next fascist comes along, and he’s a little more charismatic, and he does a slightly better job of hiding his bigotry, and he can string his words together more coherently and is slightly less off-putting, and he wins because the centrist message of “we’re not as bad as him so you have to vote for us” doesn’t work anymore, do you think liberals will acknowledge the role they played in helping push the country further to the right?
The fascist isn’t an outlier. His approval rating in his own party is over 80%. This is who they are, who they were. A liberal would rather flip a few thousand “good” Republicans than do anything for the tens of millions of people who don’t vote. A liberal’s dream is to barely win an election and then do nothing, pretending they don’t have any power. (Well, that and insider trading out in the open with, again, zero consequences). Their comfort and smugness are really all they care about.
We see you, and we hear you. And what we hear is “we want money and healthcare.” Well we’ll do you one better. We in the Democratic party know what you really need, and that is a 50,000 dollar tax credit to start a business. We know, deep down inside, you all want to be business owners. Make your own American Dream. You say you have crushing medical debt, student loans, and constant worry from living paycheck to paycheck. We in the Democratic party say this – you have opportunities. Imagine how freeing it will be to take a break from raising your kids, working multiple jobs, or trying to find a place to live, and take on the huge risk and responsibility of starting and running a business. Just businesses as far as the eye can see, one big strip mall from sea to shining sea. Business owners buying shit they don’t need from other business owners. You could finally start that t-shirt business you dreamed of when you were 12, and your neighbor could buy junk from China and try to resell it, and that guy who lives under the highway onramp could sell fucking cupcakes or something, who cares? Use your imagination, peasant. Business, business, business, it really is a fun word to say. In closing, we in the Democratic party will do everything we can to make sure nothing ever gets better. Now let’s get down to business!
